For those with vaginas and vulvas, sex can be painful. So painful, that despite enjoying the intimacy with a partner, they don’t enjoy having sex. But there is an ever bigger issue at play. Many aren’t talking about it.
A large study in the US recently found 23% of women* experienced pain in their last sexual experience and half of them did not speak up about it. Instead they just grin and bear through it putting their partner’s sexual needs above their own, or believe that pain during sex is normal and to be expected. Many are conditioned as teenagers that penetration in the vagina is painful and normal. If you think back to the first time you inserted a tampon, what was it like? Did you experience pain? Were you told to just push through? I know I was. I tried for 3 years on a regular basis to be able to use a tampon, but was never successful until after my first time having intercourse. But I had by then conditioned myself that pain down there was normal and something you just pushed through.
There are multiple reasons why people can experience painful sex. For some there is a physical condition that in causing the pain. For others there is a psychological reason (usually stemming from social conditioning to attitudes around your body and sex), other reasons can include stress, lack of true attraction and adequate foreplay (which can also cause a lack of internal lubrication) or the hymen may also not be fully broken. These are just a few of many reasons.
Medically speaking, disorders of distressing and recurrent painful sex are categorised as genito-pelvic pain and penetration disorders (GPPPD) and cover issues like vaginismus, vulvodynia, and dyspareunia. They are grouped together because often the symptoms can overlap, be difficult to narrow down or there might be multiple concerns at once.
If you experience painful sex and want to change this, getting an official physical diagnosis from a gynaecologist is recommended, but not essential as treatment protocols are similar. In a sexual therapy session we focus on tools for moving forward. This might be learning ways to continue having sex, just in ways that minimise or remove pain. It might be taking the time to retrain/recondition your body and brain. We might explore your ‘turn ons’ by working out what arouses you. Sometimes there are things you might never have considered that can make a difference in arousal and sexual pleasure.
Research has found that pushing through painful sex only increases the neural association with pain and therefore exacerbates the problem for future sexual experiences, so it’s important to address painful sex as early as possible.
It takes time, and it takes a bit of work, but I promise you it’s worth it.
Book an appointment today if you want to discuss pain-free sex.
Stacey x
*This study references cis-gender women.
