Orgasms are unique experiences for everyone. Unique to their mood; unique to the amount of stimuli; unique to the foreplay and time spent in the lead up to the orgasm; dependent on your sexual history; and unique in their relationship to the individual and/or their partner. While some women have quite definitive orgasms where they can’t take another second of stimulation, others can continue having multiple orgasms without skipping a beat, and some don’t necessarily feel a sense of a ‘grand finale’, but still feel intense pleasure. Some have a sharp and jerky body response; some barely move. Some describe a sense of completion, whilst others do not. Some squirt (which is technically a separate function to an orgasm) and feel that their orgasm is not complete until this has happened. Whichever way you O, it’s all normal.
So with all these differences in response, how can you know if you’ve actually had an orgasm?
If you’ve had one, you’ll know. And this is possibly the most conclusive bit of advice there is. A common phrase I hear from people after the have their first orgasm is “At times I thought that maybe I’d had one… but when I finally did, I knew I had!”.
Speaking to many women about this topic, and reading academic sexology literature, the most common description seems to be that people experience a sensation of rising intensity that gets stronger until they feel an internal release, or their body spasms involuntarily. Usually it’s accompanied by a set of uncontrollable spasms just before the ‘release’. Many describe it feeling like a warm liquid rising and washing over them, like a heat through the inner thighs and over the hips. For some, the body starts shaking involuntarily in the build up before it ends with a strong jerky movement forcing them to lean forward. When experiencing an orgasm with a partner, many describe it as more intense than with a vibrator, but others describe the opposite – everyone is different.
Many describe a huge sense of release and resolve. This type of orgasm often needs a longer moment to recover, known as a refractory period, before they can continue. For some this feeling is enough and they don’t want to continue. For many, the feeling is intense and the hormones released leave them feeling euphoric.
The O comes easily for some and is elusive for others. It’s significantly linked to your psychology and state of mind. If you are focused on or feel pressure to have one, this is likely to significantly reduce your ability to stay out of your head and relax enough to enjoy the experience. For those chasing it, taking the expectation away often helps. I work with many clients and have found it can take months of trial and testing of sexology evidence-based activities, as well as working on psychology to get your body responding this way. 95% of an orgasm happens in the brain. For some the emotional connection with a partner plays a key part in my ability to orgasm, but even when all the stars align, it’s still never guaranteed.
The key is to take the pressure off and just enjoy it. And when you know, you’ll know. If you’ve never experienced an orgasm, or find them far and few between, by booking a 1:1 appointment, I can guide you how to achieve the elusive ‘O’.
Lastly, I am a big believer that sexual experiences can be equally fulfilling whether you orgasm or not. It’s more important that you are having fun, enjoying an intimate and consensual experience that fills your emotionally or physically depending on what you and your partner are wanting out of the experience.
Stacey x
