Many people at some stage of their life have identified as not feeling very sexual. For most it’s about the timing; life can get stressful, medications can reduce your libido and sometimes your body just isn’t feeling it. But for some there just isn’t any sex drive at all. 

For people who are completely asexual, they are still capable of love (unless aromantic), they can have romantic relationships, they may or may not enjoy other intimacies such as being hugged, kissed or caressed, but if they do, it doesn’t awaken anything in their genitalia that suggests arousal or have a longing for sex. It’s important to note that romantic attraction, physical attraction and sexual attraction are completely separate and people can have any combination of both along the spectrum and towards any gender.

For those who have a history of never having sexual desire and want to explore if they are capable of arousal, it’s worth exploring different stimuli including books, erotic audiobooks, pornography across different genres (see my blog on the best types of pornography). Some people for example can only get aroused when a fetish is present such as an object or scenario, so it’s important to explore and see if there is something that awakens the desire for you. 

It’s important to acknowledge that it’s also perfectly normal to be asexual. You can still have fulfilling relationships with others. 

For those who have experienced arousal in the past, but now feel incapable of it, there are a few things to explore. Assess your lifestyle. Are there stress factors that are inhibiting this for you? Too much or unsatisfying work? Are you going through a stage in life where it might be expected such as menopause, or stage of pre and post-pregnancy? Are there people in your life causing unlimited stress and anxiety that you might need to think about removing? Are you actually sexually attracted to the person you feel you should be wanting to have sex with? Are you and your partner communicating effectively on what you. both. want from sex? Has your sexual preference changed – sexual attraction and orientation can be fluid and can be a product of our socialisation. Are there medications causing this? If so, can you speak to your GP or a gynaecologist to suggest an alternative?

If you want to explore a lack of sexual arousal in a safe space, then book an appointment. We can explore some ways for you to test your ability to be aroused. 

Sta